The Real Me
by BlackAndExpensive
Summary: Phil Lester lives the normal life. Nothing exciting. But an unusual day at the beach causes him to meet Dan Howell, the famous prick from a stupid band. Dan just wont give up on trying to get close with Phil. Can they be together without fame getting in the way? Dan will not give up on Phil until he has him. Eventual Phan.
1. Afraid -The Neighbourhood

**This is just something I made when I got home. Pls leave a review, they make me want to write more. **

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**Phil**

The waves crashed onto the rocks and sand, the water stretching up just enough to wet my toes. The birds circled the beach, looking for scraps of food or insects they could feed on. I looked around, the unusual sunny day was strange at the beach, whenever there was a sunny day almsot everyone in the small town would be crowded into the place, creating a hot and sweaty atmosphere. However, today was different. The sun was beating down onto my skin, which would have been burnt already if it wasnt for the amount of sun cream I had rubbed all over, and there was only about 4 groups of people here. Me, being the fifth. I was alone, though, so I don't exactly count as a 'group'.

I walked along the shore, feeling the slight breeze push my hair back off my face and tug at my clothes slightly. As I walked, my feet in the water and my hands in my pockets, I observed the different kinds of people.

There was obviously the loud, obnoxious people with their stereos on, blasting their shitty music aloud, alcohol in their hands and probably drugs in their system. Then, there were the regular people, tanning in the sun, and sucking on popsicles. Then there was that group of 3 couples, doing whatever couples do, sucking each others faces and holding hands.  
And then there was-

"Holy shit! Watch out mate!"

Smack

A ball hit the side of my head with such great force that made me fall over and my glasses to fall off

-the guy who plays his stupid ball games.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Are you okay? Do you need anything, are you alright?" A strangely familiar voice panicked. I looked up, but I was not able to match the face with the voice. I looked harder at the figure running towards me, and when I put my glasses back on, I could see who the shirtless ball-kicker was. None other than Daniel Howell. One of the most famous people in Berkshire. For those who didn't know, Daniel Howell was the lead vocalist and pianist of the band GRACE. Almost everyone I went to school with were absolutely inlove with the stupid band. However, with my amazing music taste, I happened to be the only one of the school (that I know of) to dislike the fucking band.

I groaned as he came closer, his run slowing down to a jog. As he reached me he immediately crouched down and started checking my body for any sign of injury.

"Are you okay man? I'm so sorry, should I call an ambulance?" He began fussing as he grabbed my face and inspected my head.

"I'm fine, just let go of me," I huffed grumpily, "I was perfectly fine until you came and hit me with your fucking ball you twat." I spat at him. His hands retracted from my face and he held them up in my face.

"Woah okay, sorry dude. How would you know I'm a twat though? Do you kno-"

"Yes I know you, you're that bloody git from that stupid band everyone loves, now please leave me alone, where I can listen to good music."

"Wow, grumpy much," he winked at me, a playful grin tugging at his lips, "I'll make it up to you, I promise!"

I glared, wishing that my eyes would somehow burn a hole into his face, "I don't need you to make it up to me."

Daniel laughed and stood up, holding his hand out for me to take. I ignored his gesture and stood up myself. Daniel grinned boyishly at me, a dimples I have never seen in his posters appeared on his cheeks.

"Well honey looks like I just rained on your parade, I was about to go get some ice cream and some churros, and looks like I'm buying for two." He said cheekily.

"Excuse you, you don't have my consent to this you bloody fucker." I said harshly. However his smile never faded.

"Looks like I'm gonna have to get you to see how much of a _'twat'_, a _'bloody git'_, and a '_bloody fucker'_ I really am not. Besides, I'm paying. Who in their right mind would pass up on free food?"

"...You're right about the free food thing, but I honestly doubt you'll be able to change how I see you. And I really don't want to be seen with the infamous Daniel Howell."

"It's Dan not Daniel. However lucky for you, you'll be with Darren Hilner." He said as he pulled his shades onto his eyes and took my beanie off my head and placing it on his own. I went to grab it back, however he ducked my attempt and grabbed my arm instead.

"Get you germy hands off me right now."

"Come on cupcake, I'm getting some food now _lets go_."

I groaned out of frustration yanking my arm out of his grip but following alongside him anyway. He was right...who would pass on free food? He walked over to where his stuff was set down, which happened to be where the rest of his stupid band mates were sitting around.

"Oh hell no, I'm not going over there to meet the whole fucking circus." I stopped myself, standing my ground. Dan turned around and frowned a little bit.

"They're not coming with us, we didn't come here together." He said as if it were obvious.

"Us? There is no us, it's just you and me, not us. Also, they better not. Because meeting you was already the worst thing that could happen, don't want to make myself feel any worse." I said the last part in a joking manner, even though it was half true. I continued walking, however very slowly. Dan didn't seem to like this as he grabbed my hand and dragged me over to his spot quickly.

"Hey Dan, who's this?" The one with the green eyes asked as his eyes landed on me. I recognised him as Pj Liguori.

"Uhh...what is your name?" Dan asked nervously as he turned around, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Phil."

"This is Phil!"

"Wow Dan, you go to pick up a guy and you don't even know his name." The boy with black hair laughed to himself. This was Ben Cook. The boy stuffing crisps in his mouth laughed (more like cackled) along with him. That was Alfie Deyes.

"Funny guys, but I'm not '_picking him up'_. I hit him with the ball and he thinks I'm a twat so I'm trying to change his mind." There was silence for a bit.

"Well okay. Uh Phil, please tell me your not a crazy obsessed fan..." Ben said cautiously. I laughed quite hard.

"Trust me, I'm like your number one hater." I said, my voice unintentionally dripping with sass. All three of them laughed.

"Good to know, cupcake, now lets go." Dan said as he pulled on his shoes and shirt. He swung his backpack onto his back and said his goodbyes to his idiots.

We were sat at a table, Dan hiding his face from the few people surrounding him and myself, eating ice cream and churros. On the walk to get our food, Dan had told me a bit about himself and had managed to get me to spill a few things as well. He told me he really likes flowers and that his parents used to buy him some everytime one of his bouquets died. He told me that he really likes rock music, which kind of surprised me. He told me quite a lot, for a first meeting. And I feel like the one time he was being serious was when he looked me dead in the eye and said that he wasn't who everyone thinks he is. And I believe him... I think.

"So...how's your day, Phil?" He asked as he shovelled a spoon of ice cream into his mouth.

"Not bad. Was having a swell time at the beach til I got hit with a ball but then I got offered free food, so I'm not complaining." Dan smiled at that, his dimples coming back.

"Well that sounds alright. My day has been great, thanks for asking!" He said sarcastically, to which I just rolled my eyes. "So...what school do you go too?"

I raised my eyebrow slightly, but answered anyway. "South Appleton High School, you creeper."

"Oh cool. I think I know where that is, actually."

"Well good for you."

"Hey I should come pick you up after school one day!"

"Attention seeker."

"The only attention I want is yours. You're just playing hard to get, my friend."

"Hard to get? Pft, as if. I don't even want to know you."

"Ouch. But I know you're really a nice guy, you just dont want to admit that, because you're afraid of letting your guard down."

I stayed quiet for a while.

"I've never seen your dimples before. Not in any of your posters." I changed the subject.

"That's because they edit them out. According to them, some other band is already playing the 'dimples that make the girls swoon' card. So we need to be different." He said in a strange voice. I couldn't quite place the emotion it came with.

"Oh." Was all I said.

We sat there for another hour or two. Talking. Well, mainly him talking and asking questions and me replying with sarcasm or an insult, to which to he just laughed at.

"I should go now, I have to babysit." I said as I stood up.

"I'll take you home then-" he began to stand up.

"No it's fine I can walk."

"I insist, its about to rain soon anyw-"

Just as he said that, the perfect weather was ruined by rain pelting down onto him and I. Without a second thought, Dan grabbed my hand and ran towards to parking lot, and I didn't object, seeing as I don't want to get sick. He ran towards his car, unlocking the doors when we were close enough. We jumped into the car and he immediately put on the heater. He chucked his bag into the backseat and started up his engine.

"Sooo...where do you live?"

"Not only do you want to know what school I go to but you also want to know where I live. I'm starting to think you might stalk me." My voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Hilarious Phil, now either tell me the address or walk home." He said as he pulled out of the parking bay.

"381 Kipperton Lane."

The car ride was silent. He had turned on the radio turned it off as he couldn't find a station with good music.

"Left up here." I said as he went past a park.

"You're a nice guy, deep inside, Phil," He said as he pulled up into my drive way, "you've got a nice house too."

I looked at him for a moment before I grabbed my bag and went to open the door.

"I bet you've got a nice mobile number too, and I think it'd be nice if I had it." He winked at me. I rolled me eyes at him.

"Whatever Howell."

"Soooo... give me your number I'll buy you more food."

"Don't try to bribe me with food!"

"Is it working?"

"Knew it, here, just put it in."

I snatched his phone and typed in my number. I handed his phone back and froze, my hand on the handle.

"Thanks."

Was the last thing said as I swung open the door and ran into my house. I slammed the door behind me and watched sneakily from the window as he pulled out and drove off. I let out a huge breath and left my shoes and my bag near the door.

"Hello? Louise are you here?" I called out as I hung my wet jacket onto the coat rack.

"In here Phil! I let myself in, is that okay? Also Darcy is having a nap so she'll be asleep until I come to pick her up, and I made you dinner because your mum didn't an-"

"That's fine Louise, calm down. And thank you. It's okay, you can leave now, I'll be alright with Darcy for a few hours." I soothed her as I entered the living room where the cot was set up and Lousie was rushing around. She smiled and gave me a kiss on the cheek before she said her thanks and throwing a 'love you' over her shoulder as she rushed out the door. Louise was my favourite cousin.

It was 10:17 when I was sitting on the couch, an empty bowl of pasta next to me, Darcy sleeping and a show on tv, when I got a text. The number wasn't saved into my contacts when I looked.

HAAAAAY PHIL IT'S ME DAN

I groaned in a way but saved him under '_Twat face'._

_To; Twat face_  
_What do you want?_

_From: Twat face_  
_I'm bored and I wanted to talk to someone_

_To: Twat face_  
_Why me_

_From: Twat face_  
_Ooooh honey i luv ya toooo. idk you're like the only one who makes me feel like a real human and not a famous prick_

_To: Twat face_  
_you are a famous prick_

_From: Twat face_  
_how sweet of you._

I didn't reply. However five minutes later I recieved another text.

_Twat face _  
_can i pls come over_

Was on my lock screen. I quickly typed a reply.

_wth no way. i'm babysitting and i don't want you here_

I didn't have to wait long for a response.

_From: Twat face _  
_pft fine. idc what you say but i'm gonna come round and see you one day ok_

_To:Twat face _  
_yeah right. brb baby is waking up._

I bent down into Darcy's cot as she began to whimper and make grabby hands at me. She smiled tiredly as she saw me. I picked her up and soothed her back to sleep. I placed her back down and returned to my spot of the couch.

_From: Twat face _  
_aw bet you're good with kids yeah?_

_To: Twat face _  
_i'm the baby whisperer_

_From: Twat face _  
_you should babysit me some day :* xoxoxoxoxoxo_

_I chuckled slightly at the ridiculous amount of x's and o's._

_To: Twat face _  
_whatever you twat. anyway i'm gonna go now, got to give baby back to it's mother. bye homo._

_From: Twat face _  
_seeyou cupcake :* x_

I ignored his text and went to unlock the door. Louise would be here soon. As she arrived, she didn't stay for long, as she said something about her husbands work.

I fell asleep on the couch that night, not even waking up when my parents came home from the late work shifts.

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**IDK WHAT THIS IS OKAY PLS LIKE IT N REVIEW AND YEAH **


	2. Stray Heart -Green Day

**This was quite a quick update compared to my other stories, I'm proud of me.  
****I've uploaded a new story called _Player,_ player. Go check that out! :))**

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It had been a full week since I'd met Dan. I haven't spoken to him since though. Well, he has sent me countless texts and several voice mails, but I never looked or opened them. I'm not quite sure why I was ignoring him, maybe, I was scared of him and his intimidating fame. Maybe I found him irritating, but that seemed stupid because I didn't. He wasn't annoying. There was just _something_ about him. I'm not too sure what though.

I shook my head and turned my music up louder in an attempt to get the thought of Dan out of my head. It was a Saturday morning, 9:39 to be exact, and the house was quiet, my music was the only thing that was making noise. My sister had gone to work and my mother was downstairs doing whatever she was doing. I scrolled through my tumblr dash, reblogging and liking things.

"Phil!" My mother yelled loudly, her voice just been heard over my music. I ignored her, wanting to be alone.

"PHILIP MICHAEL LESTER TURN THAT RACKET OFF!" Her voice was a lot louder and I spun around in my chair to see her standing at my door, her arms crossed and her foot tapping impatiently. I turned off my music and faced my laptop again.

"Excuse you, young man, you have a visitor," she said calmly, "and you best not ignore him _again._"

"_Again?_ Huh?" I spun around in my chair, but my mother had already left and I was sitting alone in my room with none other than Dan Howell.

He smiled at me innocently, pushing his brunette fringe out of his eyes. He stood awkwardly, looking around at my posters.

"Why are _you_ here?" I asked, leaning back on my chair and crossing my arms.

"You weren't answering my texts or calls so I visited, your mum asked who I was and I told her a new friend of yours, she let me in and asked why she hadn't met me earlier and I said you were ignoring me," he grinned cheekily and set down on my bed, leaning against the wall, "she then told me to come around whenever, so looks like you'll be seeing a lot of me now!"

I rolled my eyes and turned back to my laptop, scrolling through my tumblr again. Everything then went black. Dan had placed his hand over my eyes. "Get off me, Daniel." I sighed impatiently.

"Can we play a game?" He asked, his voice excited.

"What?"

"Well it's not a game, its just for fun! We go on your trampoline and wrestle!"

"Why on earth would I do that?"

"Because the loser has to make breakfast for us!"

I debated whether I should play this stupid game with Dan. Obviously it would involve a lot of contact and touching, and considering as I dislike people touching me, I wondered if it would be a good idea.

"Also the loser does whatever the winner says for whole week."

"Deal." I said without thinking.

"Great lets go!"

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me up and dragged me downstairs. I directed him to the backdoor and he bounced with excitement as I unlocked the doors. As soon as they opened he pulled me along behind him again. We climbed onto the trampoline and bounced up and down for a while as Dan explained the rules to me.

"Okay, three rounds. No punching or hitting. You gotta hold the other person down for 5 seconds to win that round. Got it?" I nodded. "Okay, three, two one, _go!_"

We ran towards each other, our hands colliding in an attempt to force the other back. Dan let go of my hands and ducked as I swooped my arms as I tried to grab his shoulders. He wrapped his arms around my waist and tackle me. He held me down for three seconds until I rolled over and sat on top of him. I got to three seconds before he sat up and caused me to fall over. I quickly got up but didn't last very long when we jumped high which made me trip again. He landed on top of me and sat on my stomach.

"Ha! I won!" He cheered as he counted to five. He got off of me, and held out a hand to me. I accepted this time, and he pulled me to my feet. We got on opposite sides of the trampoline, and I was determined to win the last rounds. "One, two, three!" We ran at each other again, and I lunged at him, taking him down easily and lying on top of him until five seconds were over.

"I won!" I grinned widely. He was still getting up, and I was glad he didn't see me smile, he'd probably laugh at my slightly crooked teeth compared to his perfectly straight ones.

"Whatever!" He stood up, and turned to face me. "One more round! I'm going to win, Philip Lester!"

We ran at each other again, and this time Dan threw himself at my legs, and I fell over easily. He climbed on top of me, but I wrapped my legs around his hips and pushed his shoulders back, and rolled on top of him once again. He began tickling me, and I hid my face as I laughed. He pushed me off and then sat on top of me. I attempted to do the same thing as before, but he stood his ground, grabbed onto my right leg with one hand and held my chest down with his forearm. He held me down for those five seconds.

"Okay okay! You won! Now get off me!" I said. Dan didn't say anything. He wasn't smiling. There was a look on his face, and he stared into my eyes. He smiled slightly and then blushed as he stood up. He helped me up again.

"Make me breakfast now Phil!" Dan said happily, jumping off the trampoline. I did the same and lead him towards the kitchen.

"There's bread, eggs, bacon, and apple juice. Is that okay your greatness?" I said, doing a sarcastic bow. He giggled and nodded as he sat down at the breakfast bar. I got out the things I needed and began to start cooking the bacon. I opened a window to get rid of the smell, and then got out another pan and began to scramble the eggs.

"You know, you'd make a nice husband to a lovely girl one day." He said. I froze, and bit my lip nervously. I chuckled.

"Haha...yeah, _totally._" I said nervously and went back to scrambling the eggs. I put the bread in the toaster and then took out the bacon. I put three pieces on Dan's plate and two on my own. After putting the scrambled eggs and toast onto the plate, I poured us two glasses of apple juice. We began to eat in silence, the only sound were our forks clanging against the ceramic plates.

"This is good Phil, you should make me breakfast more often." Dan grinned at me. I looked over at him, and hid my face as I began to laugh uncontrollably. He had gotten bacon stuck between his teeth withour even noticing it. He blushed and looked at me slightly confused.

"You have bacon in your teeth!" I said with one big breath, and started laughing again. I didn't see it, but he had gotten it out and was know laughing along with me. After I recovered, I looked down at my half empty plate and then decided to scrape it into my dogs food bowl.

"You didn't you finish it?" Dan asked me, once again, confused.

"I um, I... I wasn't hungry!" I said as I quickly found an excuse. Dan just nodded and continued eating.

"What do you want to do today?" He asked as he finished off his apple juice.

"You won, your choice." I said as I put out glasses and plates into the dishwasher.

Dan looked thoughtful for a moment. "Wanna go sneak into the cinema?" He said, his tone excited.

"Are you mental?"

"Let's go, come on!"

I put on some shoes and said a quick goodbye to my mum as we left the house and hopped into his car. "Okay, I'm going to pretend to be sick, and you just have to ask the guy if we can use the bathroom. Then, we run away from him and sneak into a movie, sound good?" I gulped nervously but nodded at Dan. It was the rules anyway, he decided what we did.

_**(A/N: I don't know how American/UK or wherever you're from cinemas work so I'm using the Australian way, sorry if it's complicated :s)**_

We reached the cinema soon and we got out the car. Dan put on his disguise, which was my beanie from yesterday, my glasses (which I hadn't noticed him take from my room), and he drew on a freckle above the corner of his lip. We then walked into the cinema, and Dan slouched over, clutching his stomach and draping his arm around my shoulders. I wrapped an arm around his back and we rushed over to the guy who looked extremely bored.

"My friend needs to vomit, can we please-" _Dan started to make gagging noises as I spoke,_ "-use the bathrooms?" The guy looked from me to Dan with a look of worry and disgust. He nodded and stepped away, in case Dan _'vomited'_ on him. We half jogged to the bathrooms and made sure we were out of sight as Dan took off the disguise and we then ran to the cinema labelled _4._ We sneaked in, and made sure no one looked at Dan's face as we ran up the steps to the very back corner of the cinema.

A close up of Augustus Waters was on screen. "No _fucking_ way," I heard Dan groan quietly.

"What?"

"I fucking _cried_ in the book! I'll be blubbering like a baby by the end of the movie!" He hissed. He then pulled out a block of chocolate and some popcorn.

"What the- how the hell did you get that?!"

"I took it from someone when I tripped upstairs and I took the chocolate from your fridge while you were putting on shoes." He grinned at me with a cheeky smile. I rolled my eyes and shoved my hand into the popcorn, shoving the buttery and salty goodness into my mouth. I broke off a piece of chocolate and put it in my mouth with a piece of popcorn.

"Ew, what the hell?" Dan made a face as he saw me eating it. I laughed, looking down as I did so, to hide my face once again.

"Try it, it's so good!" I said.

"No way!"

"Pleaaase?"

"..Fine, stop pulling that face, it's too cute to resist."

I knew Dan and I were both blushing as he said those words. He broke off some chocolate and balanced a piece of popcorn on top. He then ate it and his eyes widened, he looked at me with an unreadable expression as he chewed.

"That's amazing Phil! Oh my goodness, I need more to make up for the years I've been deprived." He then proceeded to eat chocolate and popcorn.

The movie was over, and I surprisingly only let a tear or two escape. I looked over at Dan, who was curled up in a ball, taking tissues from the old lady beside him. He blew his nose and wiped his eyes as the old woman patted his shoulder.

_**(A/N: SPOILER ALERT; anyone who's not read/seen TFIOS and do not wish to know what happens, please skip to the next A/N)**_

"Why di-did he hav-have to die?" He sobbed. The old lady handed him the plastic packet of tissues and left, leaving me with him.

"Uhh...are you okay Dan?" I asked, awkwardly patting his shoulder. He turned to me and threw his arms around me.

"Augustus was just so _perfect_ Phil! Why did he have to die?" He cried into my shoulder. I didn't know what to do.

"He's not real Dan. Ansel Elgort is alive."

"BUT _AUGUSTUS ISN'T!_" He wailed loudly. People looked over, but thankfully didn't know it was Dan, as his face was hidden.

**_(A/N: those who skipped that part can now continue here:))_**

"It's okay, let's go back to my house and play Sonic and eat ice-cream, yeah?" I felt Dan nod, and we stood up. Dan put on his disguise again, and we hid in a crowd of people to hide from the guy at the booth.

Dan drove us back to my house, and we sat on my bed, eating ice-cream and playing Sonic until Dan said he had to leave. It was six o'clock.

"I'm sorry, but I've got to go Phil..." He said sadly, "I have to go look after my little sisters..."

"It's okay," I said.

"Wanna hang out tomorrow?" He asked hopefully. I nodded. He smiled widely.

We walked down stairs and Dan said a goodbye to my mother before he exited the door and drove off. I watched as his car drove further away until it disappeared.

"Phil..." My mother said from behind me, "I heard of him before, so I googled it..."

"Mum-"

"Please be careful, Phil. I don't want you to get used by a celebrity. I don't want you to get used at all. Don't do anything stupid okay?" She said, her voice soft and concerned.

"I won't, mum. Don't worry. I'll be careful." I gave her a reassuring smile and then ran upstairs to my room, seeing a text from Dan on my phone. I actually got a bit excited.

_Twat face:_  
_I'm driving and i could possible die from texting you, but tnx for the best day in forever phil! wish we could've had more time tho. thank you ^-^ xx_

_Me:_  
_thank you for teaching me how to break rules ;)_  
_and ty for a great day :)) x_

I forgot to backspace the accidental _x._

I changed Dan's contact name from _Twat face_ to _Dan._

I got a text back ten minutes later. Dan had probably just gotten home, then.

_Dan:_  
_same time tomorrow? c: x_

_Me:_  
_Sure:)) x_

_Dan:_  
_i kind of miss you is that weird? x_

_Me:_  
_no, but we only hung out twice, once only on accident._  
_it's not weird, though :p dw x_

_Dan:_  
_ok good! x_

_Me:_  
_c:_

Dan and I texted all night until I decided to go to bed. We had texted our good-nights, and I was snuggled up in bed, about to fall asleep. Until my phone rang.

Dan

"Yeah?" I answered quietly, being careful not to wake up my mum.

"I just wanted to say goodnight, and plus I wanted to hear your voice before you left me." He said, chuckling nervously.

"Your charms don't work on me, Howell."

"They will one day, Lester."

"Whatever." I yawned.

"Well, goodnight Phil, sleep well! I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Dan, see you then." I didn't hang up, I just put my phone down next to my face, knowing he would hang up. But it seemed he hadn't. He appeared to have done the same as me, and didn't even notice. I could faintly hear the gentle hum of his voice and the soft chords of a piano. I could just hear the lyrics. At first I thought it was an unreleased song of his, until I properly heard it.

_"You could be my unintended _  
_Choice, to live my live extended,_  
_You could be the one I'll always love _  
_You could be the one who listens to all my deepest inquisitions _  
_You could be the one I'll always love.."_

The lyrics of Unintended by Muse sung by Dan was by far the best cover of the song I'd ever heard. His voice was actually perfect like this. He sounded so much better through the phone than he did through the radio.

I quickly hung up before he noticed he hadn't hung up.

That night I fell asleep with Dan's voice stuck in my head.

_But I am not going to fall for Dan Howell like a teenage girl. I swear._

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**Please leave a review:)) They make me happy.**_  
_


	3. What a Catch, Donnie -Fall Out Boy

**Hello friends!**  
**A brand new fancy chapter of TRM yay :)**

**It may seem kind of confusing, but I just didn't know how to really say from Phil's point of view about the issue with his teacher, Mr Johnson, so I kind of just...put it there. I'm so sorry if it's terrible, I really don't know how to say it.**

**TW: mentions of child pornography, molestation..**

**(so v v sorry about this)**

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**Phil's Perspective.**

I stared out the window of my History class, watching as the grey skies turned darker and the green trees swayed in the wind. I could only imagine how amazing it would be to run through those tree's, to get lost and be found by the one person you want to see, to climb to the top of the tallest tree and look out of this town, watching people go about their busy lives, and just be so calm and peaceful up there.

"Philip Lester!" Ms Jamesson shrieked, slamming her metre long ruler onto my desk right between my hands. I looked up and stared back into her black, beady eyes. I swear, if she wasn't wearing those glasses she would have shot lasers from her eyes and killed me.

"Yes ma'am?" I asked uninterested.

"What did I just say, Philip?" She sneered.

"You said my name."

"Don't be a smart ass, Philip," she said, earning a chuckle from the class, "Detention for you after sch-"

"That wont be nessessary, Mollie." The whole class looked to the front of the class, where Mr Johnson was stood, his hand's in the pockets of his pants. Mr Johnson gave me a smile, which made me extremely uncomfortable. Fucking prick.

"And why not, Neil?" Ms Jamesson asked, pushing her rimless glasses up her wrinkly nose.

"Philip will be seeing me after school today." Nothing more was said. I gulped and slunk back in my chair, waiting for this lesson to be over.

I sat outside waiting for my friends to arrive at our last lunch. I pulled out my phone and opened up my facebook. I sent a message to my internet friend. Troye, who was a year younger than me, lived in Australia, so he was obviously finished his school day.

_Phil:_  
_hey_

_Troye:_  
_hey you_

_Phil:_  
_the weirdo teacher wants to see me again after school :/_

_Troye is typing..._

I waited a few minutes until a small box appeared on my screen.

_Troye:_  
_don't go. its illegal and he can't do that._

_Phil:_  
_if i dont go he calls my mum. what then_

_Troye:_  
_say you've had enough of him saying your work isnt good enough?_

_Phil:_  
_i guess so. anyway i have to go, ppl are coming to socialise with me ugh_

_Troye:_  
_aw you poor bby. ill message you later x_

_Phil:_  
_seeyouu x_

"Hey Phil!" Joe grinned widely at me, running over with his best friend Caspar. They sat down with me, and began to discuss a matter I really did not care about. I sat there and laughed with them all lunch.

The bell then rang, signalling it was time for last period.

* * *

I stared at the blue door in front of me, trying to calm down. I grabbed my phone, seeing a text from Dan. I had never been more thankful. I unlocked my phone and read over his text.

_Dan:_  
_hey, wanna hang out? x_

_I typed back a reply_

_Me:_  
_teacher is holding me back :/_

_Dan:_  
_after that? x_

_Me:_  
_maybe.._

I put away my phone and brought a shaky hand up to the door. I knocked three times, and it opened. Mr Johnson stood over me, a scary smile twisting his features. I was trapped under his imdimidating glare, unable to move like slug trying to escape a pool of glucose syrup.

"Come in Philip."

* * *

_Phil:_  
_it was the first time he touched me. i cried so hard for him to stop but he didnt..._

_Troye:_  
_im so so sorry phil. please promise me you'll never go to him again_

_Phil:_  
_itll just get it worse next time_

_Troye: promise me. dont you ever go there again. you dont deserve it._

_Phil:_  
_i dont know, troye._

* * *

I walked home slowly. My phone had died so the walk was quiet. I watched as my feet made shadows before I took a step. I watched my shadow as the way the wind made my hair blow around everywhere. I watched as the grey clouds turned darker, threatening to rain on me.

"Phil!" I jumped at the yell. I turned to my left, seeing Dan in his car, a confused look on his face. "Phil get in! It's about to rain!" Dan called to me. I sighed, but hopped into his car anyway. Only when I sat down, I realised how cold it had been and that I was shivering my butt off. My teeth chattered and my frozen fingers clenched into a fist, trying to warm themselves. Dan turned up the heating and began to drive again.

"You didn't answer my text..." Dan said bluntly.

"Phone died."

"Oh. Why did your teacher want to-"

"None of you business okay, just shut up and take me home."

And so he did.

/

My phone kept luminating the dark room repetitively.

_3 sec ago Dan phil are you okay? xx_

_1 min ago Dan txt me back pls im worried :/ xx_

_1 min ago im sorry about whatever i did phil x_

_2 min ago im worried phil x_

Messages from Dan went all the way up to hours ago. I didn't answer any of them. I didn't want to. But a different message tone caught my attention. It was facebook. It was from Troye. I unlocked my phone and looked at the time. It was 6 o'clock in the evening here, Troye should be sleeping. I sighed anyway and read the message on screen.

_Troye:_  
_hey, you alright?_

_Phil:_  
_yes bc im totally okay after he touched me and violated me -_  
_sorry_

_Troye:_  
_its okay, it was a stupid question. im just worried about you._

_Phil:_  
_im ok_

_Troye:_  
_dont lie to me. phil please promise you wont go tomorrow_

I thought for a bit. If I didn't go, what would happen then? He'd call my mother, and she would ask me about it. But I didn't want to tell her the truth, it was disgusting and he'll deny it. _But the camera, the pictures are on it._ No, no way. There was no way I was telling my mother the truth, if I did she would be ashamed, disappointed and disgusted in me. She'd ground me for weeks, maybe even months. There was no way I was going to ruin the perfect mother-son relationship I had with her.

_Phil:_  
_promise_

_Troye:_  
_I just told you not to lie._

_Phil:_  
_go to sleep, it's 2 a.m. you have school too._

_Troye:_  
_i will, but im not dropping this conversation. we'll talk about it tomorrow. night xx_

_Phil:_  
_goodnight xx_

I ignored the texts from Dan, and stared up at the ceiling, looking over the patterns I've been looking at for years. Swirls. My eyes fell upon the group of glow in the dark stars my twelve-year-old self had stuck to the roof. They were reminders of the happy person I used to be. I had bought them and put them there two years before the inappropriate secrets with Mr Johnson. I thought about them when I was sad, the stars kind of showed me that there was light in dark situations, even if the glow wasn't strong. I told myself constantly that I would go back to the happy person I used to be. But part of me knew I was lying.

And then my phone started to ring. It was Dan. I hadn't even noticed I was crying again until the light coming from the device in my hands blinded me and I could barely see past the watery mess in my eyes. I answered anyway.

"Phil are you okay?" Dan's voice was soft but still worried as he spoke. It was almost like he meant it. But he was famous, of course he didn't mean it. He lies to everyone. His fans, magazines, paparazzi. But you're not any of those, a voice inside my head reminded me. I pushed that thought away.

"Why?" Was all I said, afraid my voice would crack if I said anymore.

"Well, when I took you home you were really upset, and when I got home I realised I probably should have stayed with you..." I almost lost it at those words. Damn, Dan was good at acting. I held back tears and covered the speaker as I cleared my throat and sniffed.

"I'm okay." I didn't sound convincing enough.

"Tell me the truth, what happened?"

"None of your business Dan."

"Phil I don't know about you but I consider us friends, and I'm really worried about you."

"I just don't want to talk about it..."

"Okay, that was all you had to say."

There was a silence over the phone, the only noises heard was the rainfall and our breathing.

"Would it be alright if I came over?" Dan broke the silence, his voice gentle and quiet.

Did I want Dan over? I don't know. But I know that I _definitely_ did not want to be alone tonight.

"Yeah..." I whispered, hoping Dan heard through the shitty receiver. Thankfully he did.

"I'll be there soon."

He hung up, and I just curled up into a ball under my duvet, burying my face into the green and blue warmth. I was comfortable this way, and the thought of having to get out of my cocoon to go answer the door wasn't my cup of tea. Instead, I texted Dan.

_Me:_  
_I refuse to get out of bed, theres a key under the weird gnome on the window sill._

Dan didn't text back. And I couldn't care less as I snuggled in further to the blankety womb. I was glad I'd showered when I got home, if I hadn't I'd still feel dirty from what happened two hours ago. But no matter how many times I poured the raspberry body wash on me and scrubbed at my skin until it was red and bleeding, I would still feel dirty. That man is disgusting and perverted.

Fifteen minutes passed rather quickly, and I heard footsteps coming upstairs. At first I tensed up and freaked out but remembered Dan was here, so I calmed down and relaxed. My door opened slowly and I could see Dan's tall figure standing in the doorway, his hair looked wet and curly and his jumper had specks of water on it. In other words, he looked just as much of a mess as I did.

He shut the door behind him and navigated his way through the dark to my bed. He sat down beside my curled up body and placed a hand on my shoulder. He rubbed it smoothly and lightly, as if he'd crush me under his hand. And given the way I was laying down, I might be crushed.

"Hey," he whispered.

"Hi.." I whispered back.

"Want a hug?" He asked me, as if he was trying to call a scared puppy towards him. I most definitely did not want a hug, but his soft hands and soothing tone convinced me it might not be a bad idea.

"Yeah..." I said. I was surprised he heard, as my voice was just above a whisper.

Dan shifted around, he took off his shoes and laid down on the bed behind me. At first I was confused but then I realised it was easy for him to hug me that way. He wrapped his arm around my middle and pulled me towards him, his warm body pressed against mine. I could feel his hot breath on my neck, which caused a wave of shivers and a layer of goosebumps to go throughout my body.

"You alright?" He asks.

"No." I whispered, feeling the lump in my throat come back and my eyes beginning to water. Crap, I can't cry in front of Dan. He'll just laugh at me and tell me to shrug it off. Steady breaths Phil, just breathe.

"Will you tell me what happened?" He asked again, rubbing small circles on my side with his thumb.

"One day..." I said before I could think about it. Of course I'll never tell him.

We laid like this for a while, him spooning me from behind and unknown to the silent tears rolling down my face and hitting the pillow. We'd been like this for about twenty minutes and then I realised I needed to harden up, stop being such a whimp and get over it. I could have stopped the way Mr Johnson touched me, I could've punched him and ran away, I could've told someone. And I didn't. I wiped my tears and sat up, Dan's arms falling off me at the sudden movement.

"What's up?" He asked as he leaned on his elbow to hold himself up.

"Want to go do something?" I asked. Maybe if I got out of bed and went to do something I wouldn't feel sorry for myself and possibly feel better.

"It's dark out and it's raining, Phil."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"Rape? Molestation?"

"We'll be fine. I want to do something, it'll make me feel better."

"So now you actually want to hang out with me?" Dan gave me a wide grin, to which I rolled my eyes too.

"Yes."

"Let's go."

I put on a cardigan and my shoes, and soon Dan and I were walking down the street with nothing to guide us but the flickering street lights and the glowing moon. It wasn't raining, just drizzling as the heavy rains stopped. There was no one standing on their porches like every other night, and I was thankful for that, because Dan would be noticed and neither of us wanted that.

We caught the bus to the city (which we had to sit at the very back), and then Dan lead me to one of 'his favourite ice-cream shops'.  
I'd be lying if I said it wasn't pretty, because it truly was. There was fairy lights wrapped around tree-trunks and weaved through the leaves, and hanging lights from the ceiling that were like bowlers hats. It wasn't very busy...actually, there were only two other people in the store excluding the boy slumped against the counter reading a magazine that he didn't seem too interested in. When he heard the bell at the top of the door jingle, he looked up and a smile spread across his features. I hoped he wasn't a crazy stalker.

"Well hullo there you butt wipe," he greeted Dan, who just rolled his eyes. Huh, seemed like they knew each other.

"Hey Tyler. This is my friend Phil," Dan introduced me to his friend, who smiled at me and shook my hand and introduced himself as Tyler. Tyler asked the same question one of Dan's band members asked me on the first day we met. He asked if I was a crazy obsessed fan, to which I laughed and said I was definitely their number one hater. To which he laughed at too.

"Well guys, I'd like to intrude here on your flirting because I want some chocolate ice cream with oreos and maltesers," Dan said to Tyler. Tyler then turned to me and asked what I wanted.

"Strawberry with raspberry M&M's and skittles." It sounded like a question but Tyler gave us our ice creams that came to a total of nine dollars twenty one. Dan paid.

As Dan sat down at a table in the corner, and I struggled to hold my phone and ice cream as I tried to grab a spoon, Tyler grabbed the plastic black spoon for me and handed it to me, lowering his voice slightly as he spoke.

"Everything about your ice cream screams gay, hon." He said in a knowing but yet amused tone. I stared at him for a bit, confused at what he meant but blushed and thanked him as I left.

"What did he say?" Dan asked almost immediately when I sat down. The way he said it sounded unordinary. I gave him a strange look.

"Just said you're a nice guy."

Dan didn't press any further.

/

We walked back down the street to the park in silence, the street lights flickering and sensor lights turning on from houses we walked past. It wasn't raining anymore, which I found sad. Dan liked it though.

"I call dibs on to big kid swing!" I yelled as the playground came into view. I ran towards it, Dan running behind me. When I got about five feet away from it I threw myself towards it, my stomach landing on the black seat. I let out a huff of breath as if I'd been winded. But then I felt the rain water from the seat soak through my t-shirt and cardigan and a chill ran down my spine. I pouted and stood up, peeling the wet top from my stomach and holding it so it wouldn't touch me.

"Haha, you doofus!" Dan laughed at me, throwing his head back. I blushed slightly. But Dan then pulled his jumper over his head and handed it too me. "You'll get sick and not go to school." He explained.

"That's a risk I'm willing to take."

"Just put on the jumper Phil." He chuckled. I went to take off my top but then froze when I realised Dan was still watching me. It somewhat reminded me of Mr Johnson. However Dan's eyes were not lustful and creepy. They were warm and worried. He cleared his throat awkwardly and turned around, muttering a sorry. I quickly took off my shirt and cardigan and put on Dan's warm and fluffy jumper.

"You can turn around now..." I said, adjusting my hair so it didn't look ridiculous. He turned around and admired his jumper on my form. Dan was taller than me, so it was a bit big.

"Aren't you cold?" I asked in realisation, suddenly feeling guilty about taking his jumper.

"I'll be fine."

I wiped the water off the swings and Dan and I sat on them. He had to sit in the child seat, but his butt didn't quite fit. We swung high and Dan laughed when his feet touched the leaves of a tree that was leaning over the playground.

"I'm flying Jack! I'm flying!" He exclaimed over the creaking of the chains. I laughed at him and he threw me a cheeky smile. I leaned back and looked up at the sky. Stars were visible although there were still clouds in the sky. I liked it anyway. It really did feel like flying. I was enjoying myself.

Until I let out a massive sneeze that shook my body so hard I almost fell off the swing. Dan lost his shit laughing at me.

"Hahahah! Wow Phil!" He giggled. I pouted at him and he aww'd.

"Can we go home?" I asked, feeling another sneeze coming on.

"Sure thing Philly!" He jumped off the swing and landed in the wet sand. He shivered visibly and brushed the sand off his clothes. I slowed down the swing and then joined him as we walked back to my house.

"I think you're getting sick." Dan said as I let out another sneeze whilst unlocking the front door.

"M-maybe." I sneezed again.

/

Dan took me upstairs and covered me in blankets and gave me tissues. "I'll go make you some tea." He said as he left.

I blew my nose into a tissue, smelling the aloe vera of it. My throat felt like I'd swallowed a chainsaw and then tried to soothe it with a Sham-Wow. I snuggled into the blankets and shut my eyes, trying to breathe through my half blocked nose. Ugh, fucking hell.

Dan then came back with a mug of tea in hand and some chocolate. _Where the hell did he get that chocolate?_ He handed them both to me and I sat up, taking a drink of the perfect temperature tea and sniffing. He rubbed my back soothingly. He only took his hand away when he got a text. He then frowned as he read what looked like a long paragraph.

"I have to go Phil, my brother needs me..." He sighed. I just nodded. "I'll call you when I get home?"

"Okay." I said, placing my now empty tea cup on my nightstand and putting my phone back on charge. Dan gave me a tight hug before he shut my door and went downstairs.

When I heard his car start and the noise became distant, I knew I was alone.

My phone rang twenty minutes later and a part of me was happy but the rest was annoyed, because Dan had ruined the quietness that fell upon my room.

"Hey," I answered, closing my eyes again.

"Hello there," Dan replied. He tried to sound happy.

"You okay?"

"Yeah I'm okay,"

Although I wasn't convinced, I didn't say anything more about it.  
Dan and I spoke for the next two hours about Pokemon, our favourite bands which we surprisingly had in common, favourite colours, zombie apocolypses, our favourite animals and even our favourite letters. I'd learnt a lot about Dan Howell today.

"I'm going to go to sleep now, Dan." I yawned, stretching out my arms and legs to get comfortable.

"Night Philly,"

"Night."

I didn't hang up again, knowing that Dan didn't hang up either. And then I heard a soft hum coming from his end of the phone. He was singing again, and I felt my lips stetch to a smile. His voice was louder though, because he wasn't playing his piano this time. It still sounded amazing.

_When the smoke is in your eyes,_  
_You look so alive,_  
_Do you fancy sitting down with me? Maybe?_

_You're all I need According to your heart,_  
_My place is not deliberate,_  
_Feeling of your arms I don't wanna be your friend,_  
_I wanna kiss your neck._

I hung up, knowing Dan would notice if I'd stayed on longer.

_Don't even think about falling for him Philip Lester._

* * *

**Okay so I wrote this chapter like a week ago and I just wanted to address this issue.**

**If you read this, this is just a TW.**

**Today I was going through facebook and I saw this post's saying R.I.P ***** **** (don't wanna put her name there) and I got really confused.**

**I didn't know who the girl was, she went to my school, but some of my friends in the year below me knew her. She killed herself because she was bullied, and she was only in year 8 (13-14). I did find it quite sad but I just kind of brushed it off, I mean, I didn't know her. I couldn't put a face to the name.**

**But then I saw a picture of her, and I thought about how many times I saw her around school. I mean, back then she was just another stranger to me. She wasn't my friend. But it feels weird to know that I walked past her many times without knowing she was thinking of killing herself.**

**And then I saw a post from a friend about how they pull ugly faces all the time. And someone else I didn't know commented saying _"everyone is beautiful no matter what"_ and I thought it was cute, but then I read the rest of the comment. and it said _"except for *random girls name* lol"_**

**It wasn't the girl who had killed herself, but it was another girl who gets bullied.**

**And then I started to think about how stupid people are.**

**They tease, start rumours, give people shit, and even call people some nasty names. And then when someone goes and commits suicide, they all say how bullying is bad. I don't understand.**

**I mean, imagine that you're bullying someone. You think it's harmless fun right? But when someone else goes and kills themself, you say 'aw r.i.p. ur such a beautiful gal miss u lol xx' and then you go back to bullying that other someone. It's so fucking stupid and pathetic.**

**And then I thought about the people who pretended they were really close friends with the girl who killed herself. I was so confused, because various people were saying how she was kind hearted and deserved friends. But the people who said she deserved friends could've been her friends. They had the chance.**

**Idk, it really bothers me.**

**Sorry about that guys...**


	4. Unintended -Muse

**I felt like writing this from Dan's perspective so yeah, I suck at doing Dan's because he's just not as easy to write from, so sorry if this is crappy. This was originally going to be the 5th chapter, so yeah, I decided to switch it up a bit**

Warning: mentions of sexual child abuse. 

* * *

**Dan**

I could _still_ smell Phil's mint-chocolate scent on my clothes as I drove home. I could _still_ see his icy blue eyes in my mind as I looked out the windscreen. I could _still_ feel his breath against my neck as my top brushed against the sensitive skin.

In no way could I describe how I felt towards him. He still looked perfect when I brought him a cup of tea as he sniffed and rubbed his nose on the back of his wrist. You could say that I had a schoolboy crush on him, but the way I felt was much more than that. We'd only hung out three times and those were the best three times I'd ever had.

He was all I could think about as I pulled up into the driveway and went inside my house and greeted my sisters. Everything reminded me of him. The pictures that hung around the living room reminded me of his. The frames that lined the wall up the stairs reminded me of that one I'd stopped and stared at in his house; he was young, his hair was ginger and he was giving a toothy smile. He was adorable.

When I entered my room, the posters on my walls reminded me of his.

"Dan?" My thoughts were interrupted by my younger brother staring at me from the corner of my room. Tears were streaming down his cheeks as he looked up at me, and those sad eyes reminded me of Phil's when I'd walked into his room and saw him scared and curled up under his duvet.

"What happened?" I asked when I sat down on my bed, wishing Phil was there with me. _Stop thinking about Phil at a time like this!_ I patted the space on my bed, inviting my brother to sit with me. He crawled up slowly.

"The nightmares are back," he said with fear in his eyes, "They're worse this time, Dan..."

"Come here," I held my arms out for my brother Adrian, "He can't hurt you anymore, I promise."

"He's so scary, Dan... and I can feel his hands all over me in my sleep... I feel them on my shoulders, my chest and... down there..." Tears rolled down his face as he crawled into my arms. I held him close.

"It's over now, Adri... he transferred schools..." I whispered.

"It wasn't me who he was touching though... I was taller, paler... my voice was deeper. But I was in the mind of someone else..."

"What do you mean?"

"I think he's doing it to other people, now..."

The soft sobs coming from my brother utterly broke my heart. And to know he knows that someone else is getting violated by that same paedophile is the worst feeling I could imagine.

"I promise you he will never lay a finger on you ever again, and if he does, we are definitely going to tell mum and dad, okay?" I looked down into his swollen eyes and saw him nod. I gave him a gentle smile, which he returned. He wiped his eyes and his smile brightened, but I knew he was hurting, because I could feel it.

"So where were you?" He asked, pulling himself out of my embrace.

"With a new friend,"

"Who is he?"

"Phil Lester, he's amazing..."

"Do you like him?"

Silence. I did fancy Phil quite a bit, but he was so unpredictable. But that didn't change my feelings. I did fancy him and there was no use denying it, Adrian would know. He gave me a cheeky smile.

"I think I do..."

I took Adrian back to his room, and left his night light on. I kissed his forehead and said goodnight, and then went back to my own room, where my mind was once again full of Phil. From the way he walked, to the tenor sound of his laugh.

Before I went to call him, I went through my photos, and opened up the most recent picture I'd taken. He hadn't noticed, but it was him, wearing my jumper as we'd been walking home. He was looking at the sky, his lips slightly parted and his eyes open wide in wonder. I set it as his contact photo before I went to call him.

It started ringing.

Again, his eyes were all I could think about.

_Ring, ring..._

And the way he would hide his face when he laughed or smiled.

_Ring, ring..._

And how good he looked in my jumper.

_Ring-_

"Hey," he answered.

And oh my gosh is he beautiful. 

* * *

**Soo that was just a short chapter from Dan's perspective after he left from the previous chapter.**

**And the thing with his brother... it's kind of confusing but it's kind of obvious. I'm not going to give away because it's obvious kind of.**

**Sooo I hope you liked it. I've written the next chapter already so I don't have to stay up until 2:30 in the morning writing another chapter :s**

**So please leave a review and maybe even check out my other stories. tnx luv u all**

**xxx**


	5. After Midnight -Blink 182

**Okay I know I said I'd already written this chapter, but I suddenly decided that I wanted to push back that events I had written into this chapter. So I re-wrote it. I like this a lot better, it's not as silly or... idk unrealistic? Dunno**

**Anyway, leave a review lovelies xo**

* * *

_Falling...I was falling. Where was I? Looking around, I recognised nothing. Everything was unfamiliar, even the colours seemed strange to me. I felt like I was like Alice, falling down a rabbit hole. But I was Phil, falling down an endless hole that had children's drawings and doors with numbers on them. Everything was strange. I looked down, seeing a black abyss beneath me. And then I looked up. A mirror was above me. I stared at my reflection, but the face I was staring back at was terrifying. Although it was me, I never found myself looking so terrible._

_My once blue eyes were sunken and a faded grey colour. Dark circles underneath those hollow, lifeless eyes were horribly dark it was unnatural. My skin was sallow. Cheekbones were sharp and defined as they stuck out of my slightly sagging skin. My shoulders were slumped over, every bone in my arms were sticking out as skin clung to them. I was flesh and bone. Even my already knobby knee's were even more knobbier and the gap between my thighs could fit a basketball through them. I was like a skeleton with skin wrapped around it._

_I shivered, but the me I saw in the mirror glared at me through his soul-less eyes. He opened his mouth, and as he spoke, black shadows that twisted into monsters and towered over me as they flew from his mouth._

_"You did this to me!" He hissed, his voice hoarse and dry, as though he'd not had a drink of water in years. The words he spoke were idiotic, I couldn't have done this to myself...right?_

_"You did this!" He repeated himself, and more black shadows escaped his lips and circled around me. I looked down at my wrists, seeing the translucent black shadows wrapping themselves around my limbs. My limbs seemed much more fuller and healthier than the ones in the mirror did. This definitely was my body. I looked back at the mirror, seeing the terrifying me staring back._

_"You'll pay for this..." He said darkly. The black shadows flew out of his mouth and I watched as they glided upwards. They morphed and twisted and turned into monsters and demons, the ones your parents refused to tell you about. These were the real dangers in life, these monsters and demons._

_"Goodbye." He laughed manically and the mirror shattered. The sharp edges piercing into my skin as the remains of the mirror fell onto me. The shadows dived in, and I could feel them choking me, suffocating me, their high pitched howls echoing throughout my ears as they fed off of me-_

"Fuck!" I screamed. My eyes flew open and my body forced itself upwards in my bed. Bed. It was just a dream. I let out a massive breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding and searched under my pillow with my shaking hands as I tried to find my phone. My sweating skin came in contact with the overheated metal and I checked the time. 12:17 AM. _I'd been with Dan a few hours ago. Shut up, Brain._ I groaned. I hadn't even been asleep that long and I didn't want to go back to sleep. Something about the shadows sliding down my throat and tightening around my wrists made me shiver.  
Then I became aware I was in complete darkness. Shadows were everywhere. I jumped out of bed and narrowly missed stepping on various items as I flipped on the light switch. I wasn't alone, I knew that my mother would have gotten home at 11:30. But that didn't stop the lonely feeling.

I ran a still shaking hand through my sweat drenched hair and took deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. Never before had I been scared of the dark. I made my way back to bed, and curled up under the covers, even though I was sweating madly, I felt safe from whatever demons and monsters were going to kill me.

With shaking and sweating fingers, I sent a text to the last person I ever thought I'd speak too voluntarily.

Me:  
_are you awake?_

Dan:  
_yeah. why are you up?_

I felt like a massive weight was lifted off my chest as Dan replied immediately.

Me:  
_bad dream_

Dan:  
_you alright?_

Me:  
_just need to get it off my mind.._

Dan:  
_midnight drive?_

Yes, a drive would help. Yes it would. But it was dark outside and the shadows would reach out and grab me, pulling me into their dark world. _Don't be silly, Dan will be there to protect me._ Did I just say that? I guess I did.

Me:  
_yeah._

I didn't bother to change from what I was wearing, I just put on some deodorant to get rid of the smell of sweat and some shoes. I made sure I turned on all the lights down the hallway as I silently ran into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I avoided looking in the mirror, still afraid of the reflection of myself I'd seen in that dream.

And soon, Dan had messaged me telling me that he was at the front of my house. So I grabbed my phone and squeezed my eyes shut as I ran through the darkness of my house to the front door. I didn't want to wake up my mother, so I'd left off the lights. But of _course,_ with my clumsiness, I'd managed to trip three times, and run into the front door. I opened my eyes momentarily to open to door and tried my best to be quiet as I slipped out of the darkness and into the moonlight and street lights. I locked the door behind me to make sure my mother was safe, and then tried to seem calm as I walked to Dan's car.

"You look like crap." Dan smirked as I sat down. I rolled my eyes.

"Thanks." I grumbled. I still refused to look at my reflection in any of the mirrors to fix whatever Dan was smirking at. But I didn't think Dan would reach towards me and brush his fingers through my now dry hair and fix it and make sure it wasn't in my eyes. I stopped breathing as his fingers lightly slid down my face. They left a stinging, cold trail behind. His fingers lingered on my cheek before he blushed and pulled away. I looked away and fought down a blush.

Dan didn't question me about my bad dream as he pulled out of my drive way and drove down various streets. He'd put on the radio, and left it on the rock station. Madness by Muse was playing. Admittedly, Muse was my favourite band ever, and as the music began to play I perked up in my seat and reached my hand out for the volume adjuster thing. I paused and looked over to Dan.

"Can I?" I asked. I hadn't meant to sound nervous, but I did.

"Of course you can." He threw me a quick grin before turning his attention back to the road. So I turned up the volume, loud enough for myself to get lost in it but quiet enough for Dan to focus on the road. I shut my eyes, feeling that weird feeling inside of me disappear as the wind pushed the hair off my face and the music made me forget about the scary dream.

But I couldn't fight off the feeling of being watched. I opened my eyes slowly, and looked over at Dan, who was staring at me with a small smile on his lips. He blushed but slowly looked away.

"Where are we going?" I said over the music.

"Where do you want to go?" He asked back.

"Somewhere we wont be found." I liked exploring unknown places, sneaking into places that were forbidden, and adventuring. It gave me a thrill of danger but also a sense of peace. The two feelings were the most unlikely ones to feel at the same time.

"What do you have in mind?" He asked again. I checked our surroundings quickly. I recognised this place.

"Make a left at this round about and then keep going until we get to the abandoned hospital." I grinned. I'd been to the abandoned hospital many times. It wasn't scary. It was just empty rooms with various floors. My favourite was the reception though, I'm not sure why. I had never gone too far into the hospital out of fear. Dan gave me a strange look but did as I said. Five minutes later, we were sat in his now turned off car, staring up at the crumbling building. I felt a rush of danger flood through me but I liked it. I always got it. I looked over at Dan, whose eyes were wide with excitement and amazement.

"Ready?" I asked him, and he nodded eagerly before I could even finish the word.

We walked through the broken glass doors, and ducked under the low hanging fan. I refused to go anywhere that wasn't illuminated by the moonlight, in fear of the shadows getting too me.

"This is amazing..." Dan whispered as he ran his fingers over the graffiti covered walls and looked around at the empty space.

"I know." I grinned along beside him.

"Want to run a muck?" Dan asked mischievously. I frowned at him, confused by what he meant but then he nodded his head towards his right and I looked over, seeing half full cans of spray paint. I raised an eye brow at him. He wanted to break the law by graffiti-ing everywhere? '_Perfect'_ Dan Howell?

"Seriously?"

"Yes!" He picked up the black can of paint and handed me the dark blue. I gulped. He...he wanted to go into the darkness?

"I-I can't..." I said. I could almost feel the shadows around us crawling towards me.

"Why?" His voice was soft as he studied the fear on my face.

"The dark..." I muttered quietly. I expected him to burst out laughing and call me a wimp of hit me and say 'next joke'. I didn't expect his warm fingers to slide through the spaces of mine and hold onto my hand tightly. He gave me an assuring smile.

"I'll protect you from the monsters." He said, his voice full of pride and comfort. I'd never felt so safe before. Maybe I was right when I said he'd protect me.

And that's when I found myself, running hand in hand with Daniel Howell through the dimly lit hallways of the abandoned hospital, with spray cans in our hands as we wrote silly things on the walls that had not yet been graffiti'd on. The only noises that could be heard were our giggles and our heavy footfalls on the cement.

"Phil look!" Dan exclaimed. There was a wall that had various names written on it. They were in pairs or groups. It appeared like friends had marked themselves here. Dan and I stopped running and stared at the wall. Various names such as, _Jack + Dean, Zoe + Louise, Lucy + Grace_ were all permanently on the wall. Dan popped the lid off his spray can and began to write. I watched as he took up a small amount of space and wrote his name. He looked at me expectantly, and I began to spray my name under his.

"There," he admired our work, "fabulous."

The loud noise of police sirens made me jump. I looked over at Dan worriedly. If they see his car, we're fucked. So we wiped our fingerprints off the cans and dropped them with a loud clanging noise. With his fingers still laced through mine, he began to run and drag me along behind him. I couldn't help but laugh at how stupid we were for doing this. And soon Dan was laughing too. We struggled to laugh and run at the same time. We jumped over the faded security tape and hopped inside his car as we made it and he drove off without making a sound, still laughing hysterically. We were still chuckling and giggling as he drove, but that died off.

"Wow," Dan breathed, "you're gonna get me in serious trouble, Phil Lester."

"I could say the same about _you_, Dan Howell."

"Pft, what did I do?"

"Encouraging minors to graffiti and do illegal things, such a role model you are."

"The best!" He grinned with pride, "but Phil you're forgetting I'm the same age as you."

"...It was still illegal!"

"You enjoyed it!"

"...Shut up..."

I checked the time. 1:28 AM. Had I really spent that long in that creepy place with Dan? Apparently so.

"Where to next?" Dan asked.

"Your choice."

So he made a few weird turns until he reached McDonald's. He threw me a grin as he drove into the drive through.

"What do you want?" He asked, already knowing what he was going to get.

"Nuggets!" I said before I could stop myself. He grinned back brightly.

He spoke into the weird box and the girl who spoke through it sounded tired and totally over everyone's shit.

"Can I have twenty nuggets please?" He asked, his tone completely cool. The girl just made a noise in reply and told him to drive to the window. He drove slowly to the window but looked over at me with a worried look on his face, to which I just raised an eye brow too.

"What?" I whispered.

"I forgot my disguise!" He whispered back, biting his bottom lip nervously.

"Don't worry about it..." I tried to soothe him. He just looked away and continued to drive to the window. The girl at the window had her hair in two messy braids and her eyes had dark circles under them, which were badly covered by layers of whatever make up. I recognised her as Katie Baul, a popular girl from my school. She was talking into her headpiece, asking the customer at the box what they wanted, paying no attention to us.

"Dan!" I whispered harshly. He looked over at me, the same expression on his face.

"What?"

"She goes to my school, I can't be seen with y- fuck."

I turned my head away from Katie and faced my window, trying to hide my face. I then heard a squeal.

"Oh my god, Dan Howell?!" She exclaimed. I felt my heart go out for Dan.

"Yeah... haha..." He said awkwardly.

"Can I have your autograph?!" She squealed.

"Sorry, kid, I don't have a pen or paper. Maybe another time." Dan said sympathetically. I heard Katie blabber on some more as Dan handed her the money.

"Bye Dan!"

"Bye, Emily."

He drove off before she could correct him. Had he purposely called her that. I took my face away from hiding and sent him a questioning look. He just laughed.

"Yeah I called her Emily on purpose, shh. But for a reason, trust me." He put a finger up against his lips and winked. I rolled my eyes. What a dick.

He collected his food and then drove off once, again. He had driven me home, and I felt a lonely feeling in my gut, until he spoke up.

"Can I come in?"

I just nodded.

We jumped my back fence, not wanting to let my mother hear us entering the house at quarter to 2 in the morning. So we laid there on my trampoline, eating our nuggets and sipping our coke. Neither of us spoke much, just a 'fuck I dropped half a nugget' from Dan when he jumped at the sound of a frog croaking.

"Are you feeling any better?" Dan asked after we'd thrown our rubbish over the fence to my annoying neighbours house. He sat on the wooden bench in the middle of the grass, whilst I sat on the stepping stones.

"Yeah." I said.

We decided it would be best to get inside because I was still sick. I was glad I left the back door unlocked. Carefully we walked upstairs, freezing or flinching at the slightest creak. When Dan and I had gotten into my room, I shut the door behind us so we wouldn't have to whisper. I turned on the lamp in the corner, which didn't light the room as bright at the main light, but I didn't mind. I liked it a lot more. I asked Dan to turn away whilst I changed from my jeans into sweatpants.

I crawled into bed and Dan sat by my feet.

"I'll see you later then, Phil." He said, rubbing his eyes with a yawn. I bit my lip nervously but said what was on my mind anyway.

"You can stay... you know..." I said quietly. He looked over at me with raised eyebrows.

"What?" He seemed shocked.

"I-I mean, you look tired and you shouldn't fall asleep while driving, s-so... you can st-stay."

The smile that broke out on Dan's face was beautiful. "I'd like that." He said.

I let him borrow some sweatpants and a jumper. He insisted he slept on the cold floor, but I dragged the single mattress from the spare room and placed it on my floor and threw some blankets and pillows at him. He gave me a tired smile.

"Thanks, Philly." He said as he snuggled under the blankets.

"It's okay." I winced at the childish nickname.

"Night Phiiiil." Dan yawned.

"Goodnight Dan."

I turned off the switch and darkness was once again all around me. I felt scared for a moment, but I remembered Dan was here. I remembered what he said to me just an hour ago. _I'll protect you from the monsters._ It felt comforting. And so after five minutes of forcing my eyes to stay open, I let them slide shut and I fell into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

**I really hope you guys liked it .-.**

**I'm not sure if I moved it too fast when Phil let Dan stay the night so idk, let me know, friends.  
It's currently 1:28 a.m here fml.**

please tell me if there are any errors, I tried my best to edit while half asleep.

**I hate my life hhahahahahhaahelp **


	6. Stop Crying Your Heart Out -Oasis

**I've been procrastinating so much to avoid writing this chapter.**

**list of the things I did:**  
**-learnt how to play Stay by Rhianna (is that even how you spell it?) on piano. (i dont even like rhianna)**  
**-detuned my guitar**  
**-tuned my guitar again **  
**-learnt how to play Clairvoyant by TSSF on guitar.**  
**-messed my room up **  
**-cleaned it **  
**-did like 2 lines of an essay **  
**-had friends stay over multiple times **  
**-went to the movies **  
**-played the harmonica **  
**-got another blunt magazine **  
**-drew some pictures  
-****played ukulele **  
**-tried to convince my parents to let me fly over to Melbourne for Soundwave because its not in fucking Perth next year.**

**and thats how interesting my life is.**

**Warning: sexual assault.  
(sam pepper oops)  
(sorry to those sam pepper fans who still support him :s)**

* * *

**Phil**

_Flash_

_Flash_

The bright light blinded me every time the button was pressed and the flash went off. Turning my head away or closing my eyes wasn't an option. He'd just punish me like he did the day before. And getting punished was truly the worst thing that could have happened to me in my entire seventeen years. So I stood there in silence, my slumped shoulders starting to ache and pins and needles forming in my feet from standing there for a long time very stiffly. My eyes burned every time the light was shone, and I had to try my hardest not to blink or look away from him. He wouldn't like that. Or maybe he would, it would give him an excuse to 'punish me'. I wouldn't like that. He liked it when he could see my tearful eyes open in the pictures. Did he _like_ seeing the sadness and fear in my eyes as he looked back at the photographs? Did it give the sick fucker some sort of pleasure when he saw the red rimmed eyes of a teenager staring back at him? I wonder what he did with the photographs. I wonder how many other people have had to go through what I have.

"Put your clothes on now Philip, you're free to go." He said, packing away his camera equipment and taking out the memory card. I quickly pulled up my trousers and pulled on the rest of my clothes, tightening my tie as tight as I could without strangling myself and tying my shoe laces in a rush. My vision began to blur as tears began to pool in my eyes. I refused to let him see me cry as I picked up my backpack and slung it over my shoulder and ran out of his classroom. The halls were silent and crowd-less, I'd been held back for only fifteen minutes and the place was dead. It was almost creepy.

Outside was colder than the inside. The pavement was wet and I stood in several puddles on my way to the bus stop. I didn't sit down. The seats were dry, but there was a piece of gum and a white sticky looking substance on the seats, and I didn't want to take my chances. It didn't take long for the bus to come, and soon I was sitting at the very back, taking the long way home instead of walking. But walking made my back hurt, so I didn't risk it.

The trip felt longer than I expected, and as I reached my house the empty driveway made the lonely feeling expand. Of course my mother wasn't home. She was off working, trying to keep me alive and in school. She worked much more than she should and I couldn't help but feel guilty that she had to buy all my school supplies, uniform, food, and other clothes, and pay for taxes, whilst she barely got anything. I'd applied for several jobs weeks ago but none of them had responded. I made a mental note to check my emails later.

Inside was quiet and dark. The only light that was on was the fish tank light that glowed in a pink colour. Everything else had the sunless light of the sky slipping through the windows and falling over them. It was silence. The only noise being the filter of the fish tank. So I ran upstairs, making sure I didn't trip on anything when I'd reached the bathroom. I stripped off all my clothes and ran the hot water of the shower.  
The hot water scorched my skin but I didn't dare adjust it so it was warm. I remember when my mother had told me that hot water helped disinfect things when I had accidentally spilled paint remover on my toothbrush. So I let the burning water turn my skin red whilst I scrubbed at my body with the loofah lathered in mint body wash. I scratched at my scalp with shampoo and conditioner, wanting to be as clean as possible. No matter how hard I scrubbed and scratched at my almost bleeding body, I still felt as though I was covered in layers of filth that refused to come off. I felt dirty no matter how many times I repeatedly smothered myself in mint scented lotion. I'd gone through almost three fourths of the remains of the lotion in the bottle. It didn't matter. After spending almost forty-five minutes in the shower, I gave up on trying to be cleaner than a Nun's criminal record and got out of the shower, drying myself with my grey towel that hung on the towel rack. I wrapped the towel around my hips and gathered up my school clothes, exiting the steam filled bathroom.

"Phil!?"

I jumped at the yell that came from downstairs. I hadn't heard anyone enter the house whilst I showered. I calmed down when my brain finally noticed the voice as Louise.

"Yeah!?" I called back to her, walking towards my room.

"We need to talk!"

"Okay!"

I felt a weird churning in my stomach as she said those words. I ignored the feeling and slipped into a pair of loose sweat pants and a jumper I picked up off the floor. After trying to towel dry my hair as much as possible as an attempt to procrastinate from the serious conversation, I gave up and made my way downstairs to where Louise was sitting on my sofa, Darcy beside her as they watched some children's show. Darcy gave me a wide toothless smile when she saw me and made a gurgling noise before turning back to her show.

"Want a tea?" Louise asked as she stood up, making sure Darcy was safe to stay on her own as the two of us headed into the kitchen.

"What's up?" I finally asked, wanting to get this conversation over with and out the way. Louise tensed up but continued to turn on the kettle and place tea bags into cups.

"This is going to be as awkward for me as it is for you, Phil..." She said quietly before reaching a trembling hand over to her handbag on the counter and shuffling through receipts and other junk she had in there. I felt like I was going to vomit my insides out from sheer anxiousness and fear. I felt like I was going to die and I didn't even know what it was.

"Please don't be mad," she said as she pulled out an already torn open envelope, "I went through your mail when I got here because ya know it was kind of heavy I got interested. Anyway, you might want to look at these..."

I slowly took the envelope from her and indeed felt it was heavy. I nervously slipped two fingers inside (innuendo not intended) and felt what could only be described as the glossy feeling of photographs beneath my sweating fingers. I gulped hard and slowly pulled out one of the photographs. I could almost feel my stomach drop and get ready to shoot out from my mouth as my eyes focused on what they were seeing. Inside the envelope was nothing other than the photographs Mr Johnson had taken of me only a few days ago. The day he'd "punished" me. It was a vertical picture. My naked body was slumped over in shame and embarrassment. My ribs could be seen sticking out and my skin looked extremely pale. I almost stopped breathing. Why had he sent me the pictures? My breaths became shorter and quicker as I threw the picture to the floor and began shuffling through the pictures in my hands frantically, my fear becoming harder to fight and the burning of stomach acids in the back of my throat. My breathing became harder to grip onto and I felt my blood run cold.

A picture of my face, eyes swollen red and tears running down my blotchy cheeks. The silver tape held my mouth shut so screams or cries couldn't be heard by anyone who had decided to stay back. Written on the tape was four words that made me stop breathing all together and my hands to stop shaking. _Property of Neil Johnson. _Written in permanent marker on the silver tape sealing my lips together.

My knees gave out and my hand fell weak as the photograph innocently floated towards the floor whilst I dropped to the cold ground, a pounding feeling in my knees from the sudden contact. My shoulders began to shake as loud, strangled sobs escaped my throat. _That sick fucker! _He sent me those photos, why? What did the sicko want _me_ to do with them? I screamed in frustration. A cool hand was placed on my cheek and I flinched, only to look into the sad, tear filled eyes of Louise, who gave me a soft smile.

"I'm so fucking disgusting Louise." I snapped, not meaning to let my anger out on her. It was aimed at myself but she probably got the wrong idea. I hoped she hadn't, anyway.

"You're amazing, Phil." She whispered through her own tears.

"I'm fucked up."

"You're far from that, sweetie."

"I can't even look at myself in the mirror any more."

"I still think you're beautiful."

Loud cries echoed throughout the kitchen. Louise wrapped her comforting arms around me and held onto me tightly, letting me cry into her perfectly curled hair. I was ruining her hair. Just like I ruined everything else.

"Want to tell me what they're all about?" She asked softly, running her hands through my floppy wet hair as she pulled away. I calmed myself down and wiped my eyes.

"I c-can't." I said, knowing very well that she would tell someone.

"Why not? I wont tell a soul." Of course she would tell, she'd try and get him fired but everything would only backfire and come back around to taunt me.

"P-please d-d-don't make m-me." I pleaded with her.

"I'm worried Phil. That looks like your school."

"Please don't tell anyone..." I said, after a few moments of deciding whether or not to trust her.

"I swear on my mothers grave." She said seriously, making an 'x' over her heart with her finger.

"I-it was m-m-my teacher.." I mumbled quietly. Louise stopped moving. Her hand on my shoulder tightened and I looked down in shame, afraid to see the fury raging in her eyes. I saw her hand raise and expected it to come flying across my face, causing me to fall over and hurt myself even more. But that never came. Her gentle hand tipped my chin up slightly, making sure I was looking into her eyes. They were just as swollen and as red as I assumed mine to be. She just leaned forwards and kissed my cheek softly.

"Let's get rid of them then, yeah?" She suggested. I could only nod.

Two hours later when the rain had stopped, Darcy was taking a nap and the sky had gotten to the 'almost dark but not quite bright' stage, Louise had started a little burn off at the back of my house in the fire pit, throwing dead grass and sticks into the flames into keep it alight. Just as I went to throw in the photo of myself with the tape over my lips, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I stopped what I was doing and gripped the photo in my hand as I checked my phone. A message from Troye was on the lock screen. I tucked the photo in my back pocket and unlocked my phone as Louise threw some of the naked pictures into the fire.

**Troye Sivan:**  
_how was school?_

**Phil Lester:**  
_i hated every second spent there_

**Troye Sivan:**  
_did he do it again?_

**Phil Lester:**  
_yeah_

**Troye Sivan:**  
_are you okay? :(_

**Phil Lester:**  
_no. he sent the pictures he took of me the other day to my house in an envelope and my cousin and i are burning them in the firepit._

**Troye Sivan:**  
_what the actual fuck_

**Phil Lester:**  
_I don't know :/_

Troye and I messaged each other whilst I sat down and watched Louise throw photographs into the flames. The edges curled as they burnt and a strange fulfilling sense washed over me. I almost felt powerful doing this.

"You alright Phil?" Louise asked, holding the remaining twelve photographs in her hand, not looking at the images on them as she threw them into the fire. I gave her a little smile and nodded my head.

"I feel kind of powerful." I admitted. Louise just gave me a smile and then set the other photographs on a chair that was around the fire.

"How about we order pizza?" She said, not giving me time to respond before she was dialling the number for Domino's. She'd ordered a cheese pizza and a pepperoni, to which I didn't really mind. Louise then threw the rest of the photographs into the fire pit, and turned away to sit down on a chair.

It didn't take long for the pizza to arrive, and soon after Louise was at the door paying while I stayed out the back, watching the fire intently as the flames licked along the wood and smoke travelled into the air.

Louise had left at nine o'clock, and promised me she wouldn't tell anyone about the photographs or Mr Johnson. I'd put out the fire only five minutes ago, and I was still sat in the backyard, messaging Troye and Joe, both similar conversations. Troye was comforting me, and I was comforting Joe about his recent break up. Joe and this girl had been pretty serious, she had been in the popular group of people and she'd taken his virginity. She wasn't committed like he was, and got bored after a month or two with him. So she broke up with him.

I'd become extremely bored within the next ten minutes, and the sudden realisation that I was outside, alone in the dark, sent a chill down my spine. I jumped up from the chair and ran inside, escaping from the monsters that were hiding outside. Lights inside were on and I thanked every god there was for not taking my life away. I ran upstairs and threw myself onto my bed after slamming the door shut forcefully. Rolling over, I heard a crumbling noise coming from my butt. Normally, I would have panicked and called my mother right away thinking I had some sort of butt disease, but I knew what this was, and I sighed at the thought. I reached into my back pocket and pulled out the photo I had put in there earlier. The photo that made my stomach twist and my nose scrunch up. I shoved the photo underneath my pillow so I wouldn't have to look at my face any longer. I pulled the duvet over my head and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to forget the image I'd just seen. Louise, Darcy, mum, my brother, Joe, Caspar, Troye, Dan. Wait, _Dan?!_ I whispered a harsh 'fuck' when I realised I'd thought of Dan. Dan didn't even appeal to me in the slightest way. If anything he annoyed me more than those people who chew with their mouths open. I'll admit, he was nicer to me than anyone I've ever known for just a week. I tried to hate him.

Dan was a famous twat who lied to everyone. He lied to those magazines, paparazzi, his fans. How could I ever be friends with someone who lies so much about everything?  
_You lie about everything too,_ a little voice inside my head whispered to me. I ignored that little voice and concentrated on trying to breathe underneath the suffocating blanket that covered my head. When I'd decided I could no longer breathe off of carbon dioxide, I pushed the blanket off my head and sucked in a deep breath, thanking science for oxygen.

A ding from my phone notified me of a new text.

**Dan:**  
_hey_

**Me:**  
_what do you want_

**Dan:**  
_to come over_

**Me:**  
_no._

**Dan:**  
_be there soon._

Anger bubbled inside of me. Did he actually think I wanted him to come over? How wrong he was. _But you do want him over, you don't like being alone._ That little voice said to me again. I groaned at the thought, because the voice was kind of right. I hated being alone. The thought of someone breaking into my house and kidnapping me, or a murderer coming to kill me, they were what made me fear being alone in the house. I felt unsafe. Yeah, most people fear that as well, but I feel almost nostalgic or scared for my life if I was alone at home and thinking of getting killed or kidnapped. My mum always told me to lock up the house and make sure that the security alarm was on, and I did as she said. But that never made me feel any more safe. So I'd always have a friend or someone over. Whether it be Louise or even an old friend. I just never wanted to be alone.

Too caught up in my own thoughts, I didn't hear the front door unlock or slam shut. I didn't hear the calling of my name. I didn't hear the heavy footsteps getting louder upstairs. I only realised I wasn't alone any more when my bedroom door opened and Dan walked in, rubbing his hands together furiously in attempts to warm them up.

"It's fucking freezing outside!" He said, sitting on the chair at my desk, spinning around on it and rubbing his hands together again. I ignored him and continued to fiddle with my phone, waiting for a reply or a text from Troye or Joe to distract me from the famous fuck that sat in my room. Why hadn't I told either of them I was friends with the singer of Grace, you ask. Well friends, its because they'd freak out and most likely tell people. The only person who knew of my so called _'friendship'_ with the pop star, was my own mother. Sad, isn't it?

"Phil I wanna go for a drive!" Dan whined after he had stopped shivering and complaining about the cold.

"You drove here."

"But I wanna go exploring!"

After about fifteen minutes of arguing, I gave up and got annoyed of the consistent whining and rolled out of bed, pulling on a pair of shoes and stomping downstairs, an excited Dan following close behind. I locked the front door behind us and then climbed into the familiar comfort and smell of Dan's silver car.

"Where should we go?" He asked after ten minutes of driving.

"I chose yesterday. Your turn."

So Dan shrugged and drove for a while, making sharp turns down roads I hadn't ever noticed before. After twenty minutes, he pulled over on the side of the road, and got out. I copied his actions and then shivered and cold air hit me in the face. He locked his car, and motioned for me to follow him up a path that wound around a very tall hill, surrounded by tree's and bushes.

"Oh hell no, I am not walking up that." I said firmly, crossing my arms and glaring at him.

"It's worth it though!"

I wasn't sure how he convinced me to walk up that path, but here I am, walking up the path with my knees hurting and Dan ahead of me.

When we finally reached the top, I turned to Dan expectantly and raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well? What's so great about this place that you made my calves hurt?" I sneered, crossing my arms once again.

Dan said nothing. He just looked into my eyes and gave me a small smile. He placed a hand on my shoulder lightly and just pointed at something behind me. I turned around slowly. What I saw, I wasn't expecting. A wave of nostalgia hit me right in the face like a tonne of bricks. I could see the whole town, even the city in the distance. The coloured lights and the distant noise of cars driving around was amazing. Everything looked so bright and beautiful. It was breathtaking. I felt the pressure of Dan's hand slide off my shoulder and I _almost_ missed it.

"So beautiful..." He whispered. I didn't take my eyes away from the view ahead of me, and just nodded.

"Yeah..." I breathed out, uncrossing my arms.

"The view is breathtaking." He said firmly. The firmness of his voice dragged my eyes away form the lights below and I looked towards him. He was looking right back at me. He blushed slightly and looked down before turning away and looking over to the town that lay before us. I then looked away from him as well.

"What is this place?" _There you go again with the lying Phil. Way to go._

"It's the look out. Not many people come here though, since that boy hung himself here years ago." He responded.

"Oh really?" I asked once again, although nervously. He just hummed to confirm my question.

"Suicide is sad, really."

"Yeah..."

I got tired of standing, and walked over to the tree that sat in the middle of the look out, leaning against it's trunk and sitting down. I looked up at the branches above, seeing that one broken branch the... boy, had hung himself on. They had to break the branch off to get him down, apparently he had tied the rope too tight and it wasn't coming off. I sighed and looked away, and back at the view in front of me.

"You okay?" Dan asked, coming to sit down next to me. I looked over at him and nodded slightly. He gave me a small smile and looked up at the branches above.

"What's up?" I asked, following his gaze.

"They said that the boys little brother came up here the next morning and saw him hanging by the tree. That must have been hard for that kid. Do you know how old they said he was?" Dan asked, leaning against the tree trunk as well, never breaking his gaze from the branches above.

"No." _Liar._ "I don't remember." _And you called Dan a liar._

Dan just shrugged and looked back at me, giving me a small smile. Which I refused to return. He then began speaking again.

"I've never actually seen you smile." He noted.

"I have."

"Hilarious. Can you smile for me?"

"No."

"I'll see you smiling one day."

"You never will."

"Come on, just one little smile?"

"No."

"Please?"

"I'll smile at you when it rains juice."

"I'll hold you to that."

"It'll never happen."

"Your hair isn't straightened today."

"Don't look at it, it's ugly."

"It's cute."

"Piss off."

We sat at the look out for what seemed like ages, feeling the cold breeze run through our already messy hair and talking about nothing. Dan then jumped when we heard several footsteps and giggling that sounded like teenage girls coming up the hill. We gave each other worried looks and then began to frantically look for a hiding spot. Before I could even understand what I was doing, I grabbed Dan's wrist and leapt into a bush, pulling him along behind me.

No more than ten seconds later, a group of four girls dressed in similar clothing emerged and they began to look around at the glowing city below them.

"Jessica, I really don't want to be here." A girl said, her voice uncertain and showing fear.

"Shut up Becky! You're just a little baby, you're too worried that the ghost of that boy will haunt us!" The girl who I assumed to be Jessica snapped, mocking her friend who looked down in shame.

"Apparently his ghost still wonders around up here!" The girl who I recognised as Katie Baul said. She then proceeded to make ghostly noises and poke Becky teasingly.

"Fuck off it does! You guys are so stupid!" The girl named Becky defended herself.

"Becky you don't even know who twelve times twelve is, why are you calling us stupid?" Another girl mocked Becky. I definitely noticed her voice. Amy Keller. She was known to be the biggest slut in South Appleton High School. I was told she had gotten crabs. I don't even know if its fake to be honest.

"I do too know what it is!" Becky yelled. All three girls shushed her immediately. Amy clamping her hands around Becky's mouth.

"Shut the fuck up Becky. You don't want a repeat of last time now do you?" Amy threatened. The girl who was called Jessica gave Becky a worried look.

"Amy come on, she was just upset-"

"Shut the fuck up Jessica, you fucking idiot." Amy snapped.

Amy then pulled her hands away from Becky's mouth and then reached into the handbag that hung off her shoulder. She pulled out a what looked like tape and I could literally hear the panic in Becky's breath. She began to plead and beg Amy not to do whatever she was going to do. Dan and I shot each other worried looks.

"Amy don't do this, we came here to have fun, not ruin Becky's night..." Jessica said, standing in front of Becky. Amy shoved Jessica aside and hissed for Katie to hold Becky against the tree. I could feel a churning feeling in my gut as I saw the girl shove Becky against the tree trunk. My grip on Dan's wrist tightened in anger, and I heard his sharp intake of breath. I loosened my grip and sent him an apologetic look.

Katie was holding Becky against the tree whilst Amy began to wrap the silver tape around the girl and the tree. Jessica begged them not to do it, but the other two ignored her. When Amy had finished taping Becky up to the tree, she shoved the tape back in her bag and barked for Jessica and Katie to follow along behind her. Jessica whispered an 'I'm sorry', before running after the blonde and the redhead.

"Stay here." I whispered to Dan. He just nodded. Becky had shut her eyes and small sobs were escaping her lips. I quietly crept out of the bush, walking towards the crying girl taped to the tree.

"Hey, Becky?" I said softly. Her eyes snapped open and she tried to flick her hair out of confidence. She couldn't wipe her wet eyes, as her hands were taped but her sides.

"G-go aw-away, _loser Lester!_" She snapped, emphasizing the last two words.

"Looks like you need some help, am I right?" Her bottom lip began quivering and she burst out into sobs, nodding her head furiously.

"They always do this to me! I don't know what I even did!" She cried. I looked around, finding what looked like a beer bottle on the ground. I smashed it into pieces, and picked up the largest part, hissing at the cold glass froze my finger tips. I began to cut through the thick layers of tape and then proceeded to peel the tape off of her body.

Becky wiped her eyes, smudging her make-up even further. She then threw her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.

"Thank you Phil." She whispered, sobs shaking her body violently.

"It's okay..." I awkwardly patted her back.

"You're a really nice guy, you're not that much of a loser."

"Gosh thanks."

"I'll see you around Phil, sorry about everything I did in the past." Becky says, leaning forwards and pecking my cheek in thanks before walking away quietly. I frowned and rubbed my cheek, trying to get rid of the thick gloss that smudged.

"You know her?" Dan asked. I hadn't heard him exit the bush.

"She goes to my school."

Dan said nothing more for the next ten minutes. We just silently took the tape off the tree and disposed of it in the smelly bin that stood a few metres away.

"Wanna eat some cold pizza?" I asked, breaking the silence. Dan grinned at me widely and nodded. He slipped his fingers between mine and we began running down the path, trying not to trip over our own feet or sticks in the dark. He dragged me along behind him until we reached his car, which is when he shyly unclasped our hands and climbed into the drivers side. I sat in the seat, and felt the rumble of the car as it came to life. The drive back to my house took a while, but I didn't mind. It gave me time to admire the passing scenery.

When we'd reached my house, I unlocked the door and nervously walked through the darkness. I could feel Dan's presence behind me and that somewhat made the fear in my stomach lessen. I rubbed my hand against the wall until I found the light switch. I flicked on the lights and flinched as the light blinded me.

I went straight to the kitchen, and grabbed the pizza box from the fridge and the carton of tropical juice. I balanced the juice on the pizza box and grabbed two cups. Getting upstairs was a challenge but I succeeded and placed the pizza, juice and glasses on my desk. Dan shut my door behind him, and sat on the desk chair, and I sat on my bed. I poured myself a cup of juice and took a sip before grabbing a piece of cheese pizza and taking a bite.

"Why are you always home alone Phil?" Dan asked before taking a bite of his own pizza.

"My mum works until late at night times."

"What about your dad?"

"I don't have one."

"Siblings?"

"I don't any."

"Oh... I'm sorry."

"It's fine. Not everyone has a perfect life."

Not much was said after that, the only noises being the sound of our cups getting placed back down on the desk. That was, until Dan broke the silence.

"You know, I still have like a week or something of you doing things I tell you to do." He grinned at me. I just rolled my eyes.

"What do you have in mind?" I asked, finishing off the last of my juice.

"I say maybe we dress up fancy as fuck and go to McDonalds and eat really classy!"

"Nope."

"You don't have a choice."

"I demand a rematch."

"We'll have a rematch after my two weeks."

"That's not fair!"

"It's fair, dear."

"You suck."

Dan left after half an hour, saying he had home-schooling tomorrow morning. After giving me an awkward goodbye wave, he turned around and left. I didn't feel alone until the sound of his car got even more distant. It was eleven o'clock and I didn't feel the slightest bit tired. I turned on the fairy lights that sat on the head of my bed, and turned off the ceiling light. I played some music softly, knowing my mother would get home in half an hour and she'd go straight to sleep.

I fell asleep after I knew my mother was home, dreaming of boys with nice hair and amazing singing voices.

_Fucking hell, Phil._

* * *

**I really like juice. Tropical juice is my favourite. **

**I also really like apples atm idk they are so great**

**pls let me know of any mistakes I've made, i'm so tired right now i suck at editing woah**

**leave a review telling me what you thiiiinkkk. **

**k thanks to everyone who always reviews and Thranduilseyebrows for making me feel better about my writing yay ily all guys**

**ok bye reviews make me happy **


	7. She -Dodie Clark(Doddleoddle)

**So uh, hello...  
Sorry, it's been so long, first my wifi router broke, and I had a serious case of writers block. I don't exactly have a good explanation. **

**Sorry.**

* * *

I never really questioned my sexuality. But laying here and staring up at the blank and patternless ceiling made me question differently. Girls never really appealed to me, and I never thought of them as 'sexually' attractive in any way. Did heterosexual people have to sit down their parents and tell them with shaking hands that they are attracted to the opposite gender? No. Because children are lead to believe that being heterosexual is what should be, and some parents even have the audacity to tell their children that '_straight is the only way_'. So why the fuss with all this _'god hates fags'_ from those people who preach human rights? Did the children of those people choose to believe that, or is that what they've been told countless times over and over by their parents who refuse to believe that love is only for straight people? Because I mean, the last time I checked, homosexuals are human too.

So there I was, sat up in my warm bed in an empty house on a Friday morning at eight fifteen, with only the noise from the neighbours children playing around outside to break the heavy silence. My tears were hot as they ran down my damp cheeks and fell onto the duvet covering my legs with almost inaudible drops. My back slouched in an uncomfortable way and I could feel the pain shooting up my spine. I didn't really mind though. So I sat there, shirtless and freezing, not daring to move in case of my bed squeaking loudly and disrupting the silence of the empty house. The only movement being the consistent shaking of my shoulders as quiet sobs racked my body and the shivering fingers I had clenched into a fist.

A part of me, wished to have someone to wrap their arms around my shivering body and whisper that it was going to be okay and that I was okay. But no one was there to do that, and I silently wished for friends who were cuddly. But another part of me, wanted someone to wrap their arms around me and say that it was '_just a phase'_ or that I was over-reacting. Because having someone say that would calm me down and make me feel as though I wouldn't be hated on or get beat up for liking people of my own gender. Did I think of myself as gay? Maybe I did, but right now I didn't know.

I used to watch interviews of gay people. They said that they'd always known they were into the same sex. Which made me think of myself as a freak, as different, as stupid and as dumb. Did I have to know which gender I preferred at the age of sixteen? Most people seemed to know that they were straight. Why didn't I know if I was gay or not?

I remember when my seven year old self sat next to my seventeen year old brother and listened to every word he spoke with interest and desperation. My brother told me about how he felt when he fell in love. He described it as '_like walking downstairs and you don't know there's another step and you fall, your heart races in fear and panic but when you get over the fall you know that you're okay'_. I longed for that feeling. Seven year old me listened and watched the smile on my older brothers face grow as he spoke about being in love. My older brother was in fact gay as well, and knowing that, I never thought that being homosexual was wrong to some people. My father, however was one of those people.

I remember when my brother sat down my mother and father and I patted his hand, urging him to say it. And he did. The words left his mouth in slow syllables, as though giving time for my parents to take it in. I remember seeing the look on my mothers face as she smiled widely, her grin almost breaking her face when she hugged my brother. My father's, however, was not as happy and accepting. His grey eyes turned mean and the slight smile on his hairy face dropped. Whatever happened next, happened quick. Next thing I knew, my mother was restraining me in her shaking arms tightly. My brother lay on the floor, cradling a bleeding nose and my father stood above him, his fist clenched and rage being the only expression on his face. Then I realised I was screaming. I was crying. My mother was too. She was shouting words of hate and screaming about a word my seven year old self didn't know the meaning of. Divorce. My brother ran upstairs, away from the nasty words of my father that echoed throughout the house. The sentences I could only remember were "Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve! No son of my is a faggot, kill yourself!" That was all I could make out above my crying and my mother pleading screams.

I remember when I woke up the next morning and couldn't find my big brother anywhere. My father had left that night, and he hadn't returned. My mother had gone out searching for him a while ago. But she didn't know of the places that my big brother told me about. So I left the house, hope being the only thing keeping me going. I ran until my little legs could run no longer and I had to sit down for a moment to catch my breath. I ran to the lookout, a place where my brother had taken me once, saying how it was his favourite place. I ran up the steep slope, my legs aching but I pushed myself. He had to be here. And he was. But not in the way I wanted him to be. The rope was tight around his neck and his face was pale and his eyes were shut. Blood pouring from open cuts up and down his arms. My seven year old self didn't know what was going on. But I definitely knew that my brother wasn't breathing. Beside his hanging body was a backpack, which was empty, beside from the blood stained razors that lay in the bottom. I screamed. Waiting for someone to come help me. And someone did. I don't remember much after then. But I remember a man wearing a white coat telling my mother it was too late.

"Phil?"

The voice that broke off the memory was quiet and almost cautious. It could only be Louise's voice. I didn't move or look at her. But I heard her move towards me. And then I felt her wrap her arms around my back, warming it with her own body heat.

"It's okay," she whispered, "you're okay."

Tears fell harder and sobs became louder. I shook my head, denying whatever she was implying. But she just shushed me and hugged me from behind tighter, her caring embrace soothing me. After a solid ten minutes, I had calmed down and leaning back into Louise's arms. Her warm fingers running themselves through my hair and wiping away tears that fell from my eyes. She didn't even know what was wrong, yet she comforted me by saying only four words the whole time.

"Your mums gone to work already, I thought I'd come check on you," she said, "do you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head, taking deep breaths and shutting my burning eyes. "Not yet," I said in a hoarse voice, "not just yet."

Louise only nodded and said, "take the day off, I won't tell." and continued to stroke my hair, humming a tune our mothers used to sing to us as children.  
We sat like this for what seemed like ages, although it probably wasn't as long as I would have liked it to be. When I decided I had the strength to stand up, I did. I stood up and stretched out my aching back, hearing and feeling several satisfying cracks. I cracked my neck and then grabbed my towel that hung from my closet door handle. Louise left the room, saying she'd run me a bath. I didn't mind baths, but I didn't like the idea of sitting in my own filth. But then again, I'm living in my own filth.

So I sat on my bed, ignoring the text that I'd just received whilst I waited for the bath to fill up. I don't know how long I was sat there, but Louise then called for me, and told me that the bath was full. I grabbed my phone entered the now empty bathroom and saw the bath had been filled with bubbles and a scent that smelled of my mint body wash and the accidental purchase of raspberry body wash. I locked the door behind me, and stripped off my clothes, and stepped into the hot bubbles. Warmth surrounded me and I felt goosebumps of pleasure run up my arms and down my back. I sank into the bubbly heaven, closing my eyes to enjoy the comfort. But the silence was deafening. I unlocked my phone ignoring the various messages I'd gotten and opened up iTube. I played my music softly, and closed my eyes again, enjoying the relaxation.

I didn't get through many songs before I decided to get out of the bath and get dressed. I wrapped the towel around my hips after wiping all the bubbles off my body, brushed my teeth and then carefully walked back to my room in case my damp feet slid across the floor. Once I was in the safety of my empty room, I shut my door and dropped my towel, sliding on a pair of boxers and my skinny jeans. I slipped on what seemed to be the last clean jumper I had and then made my way downstairs to where Louise was making breakfast. The smell of the meat on the stove made my stomach feel sick and I almost vomited on the spot. It wasn't the fact that I didn't appreciate Louise's intentions, it was the fact that I knew if I ate, it would come straight back up.

Louise gave me a small portion of food after I explained why I didn't want to eat, to which she fully understood. She didn't stay for long though, she then she left to go look after Darcy whilst her fiancé was working. As soon as she left, my fingers found their way to the back of my throat and soon all the food I'd just eaten came out in chunks in the toilet beneath my hands. I flushed the toilet and washed my hands, ridding them of the chunks and smell. The back of my throat burned from the stomach acids as my toothbrush scrubbed away at my mouth.

Another notification came through from my phone and I hesitantly checked it. Only to see it was from Joe, who had asked where I was and why I wasn't at school. I slowly typed back a reply.

_not feeling too great, sorry man._

Although it was the truth, I felt like I was lying. Which I wasn't, but I didn't like the thought of telling him everything. So I left it short and simple and tapped send.

The next hour, I spent staring out my window and to the angry grey clouds that hovered above me, just daydreaming and over thinking. I imagined my brother sitting above those clouds, staring down at me and sighing at my stupid thoughts, which I thought he would have done if he were still here. _If._

I hadn't seen my father since the day he hit my brother, and I was thankful for that, as he might have started becoming abusive towards myself and my mother. But my mother made the right choice and left him. The last time I heard anything about him, my mum had said he moved back to our suburb. That was four years ago. When she told me that, she had hired people to look after me when she was away, and people to look after the house. But she lost a lot of money when she did that, and when she could no longer afford it three years later, she stopped hiring people and decided to trust me alone. But Louise would come over every now and then to make sure things were okay.

Louise was kind of my best friend, she was the one person in the world who understood me, and she was the one person who I could really trust. I mean, I have other friends but they aren't like Louise. She knew who I was when I didn't know who I was. She was my rock, the one person in the world I could tell anything too and not worry about being judged.

I don't want to be sad today. I thought. I picked myself up, and put on a pair of shoes, grabbing some money from the money jar downstairs. I locked up the house behind me and started heading towards the town centre. It wasn't a long walk, maybe about fifteen minutes. I walked to the coffee shop that sat along the main road in a tight fit corner.

As I entered, the smell of caramel and coffee smacked me in the face. It was overwhelming at first, but then I smiled at the lovely scent and walked up to the empty counter. There were a few people inside, and they all seemed to be enjoying the free wi-fi and their sweet coffee's.

"What can I get you?" I looked up at the boy who spoke, and almost let my jaw fall open. His eyes were a pale, soft green that smiled along with his pink lips. His brown hair was straightened and tied back into a little ponytail of the back of his head, but stubborn locks fell out around his face and blended well with his olive skin.

"U-uh, what do you think is best?" I said, completely forgetting what I even wanted to order. The boy chuckled and bit his lip in thought.

"Well, I suggest the caramel hot chocolate, I specialise in them." He grinned widely, showing his perfectly straight and white teeth.

"I'll have that, then," I smiled, "how much do I owe?"

"Five thirty. What name should I put it under?"

"Phil."

I handed him the correct amount of money and he grinned again, and turned around to make the hot drink, but I managed to catch his name on the badge that was pinned to his shirt. Hayden.

I bit my lip and turned around, finding a seat that was close to the counter so I could stare at the beautiful boy who was making my drink. The boy would occasionally look over at me and smile before looking down shyly. I had to look down at the table underneath my hands to hide my blush.

"Phil?" He called, placing the white cup on the counter, giving me another smile as I stood to grab the drink.

"Thanks." I gave him a friendly smile and grabbed the warm cup. As I went to sit back down, I noticed there was more than my name written on the cup.

_Phil call me sometime? x_

A string of numbers followed, and I looked up at him to give him a smile, but he was already serving another customer. The way he looked at the customer was a look of pure hate and his smile was unfriendly. A strange feeling flipped inside my gut and I looked down, taking a sip of the caramel and chocolate goodness.

This boy was _not_ helping with my sexuality problems.

"Phil?" I looked up to see who had whispered my name. My eyes met the green ones of Pj Liguori staring down at me through black rimmed glasses. I frowned at him, but allowed him to sit down.

"Why are you here?" I asked quietly, trying not to draw attention to myself. Pj looked around and gave a small sigh before taking a sip from his cup.

"Just enjoying the coffee." He tried to give me a smile but he clearly didn't enjoy the taste that washed over his taste buds. I didn't question it.

"Dan said he was going to see you today." Pj said again, reluctantly taking a sip of his coffee and trying to mask the look of disgust that spread across his features as he swallowed.

"He never told me..." I said, still confused as to why Pj was here if he didn't like the coffee. I could feel a pair of eyes burning into my head and I looked up, seeing Hayden talking on the phone, staring at me intensely. When he caught me looking, he gave me a shy smile and turned around and continued to talk to whoever he was talking too.

"What does that say on your cup?" Pj asked curiously. Before I could say 'nothing', he had twisted my cup around and was reading the few words written on there. He frowned slightly.

"I-it's nothing..." I said anyway.

"Look, you shouldn't be around Hayden."

"W-what?"

"He seems like a nice guy but he really isn't."

"How would you know?" I found myself sounding like a stubborn 5 year old.

"I knew him a while back. Listen, just don't get too close to him alright? You'll get hurt."

"Why do you care?" I blurted out. I immediately regretted saying the words as a hurt look fell across Pj's features.

"Because Dan really cares about you."

I stayed silent and took another sip of my drink and Pj played with his cup.

"Why are you really here?" I finally asked.

"I don't know." Pj shrugged. Our conversation was interrupted by his phone vibrating on the table. He read over the text and looked back up at me, giving me a smile that suggested the previous conversation never happened.

"Well, I've got to go. I'll see you around sometime. See you, Phil." He stood up and walked away, leaving his cup behind. I wouldn't have been so interested if it wasn't for the words written on the side of the cup. I turned it around and struggled to read the looping handwriting.

_Be careful._

That was all it said. I frowned, but decided to think about it later.

After I finished my drink, I said a goodbye to Hayden with a small grin and left quickly in embarrassment. The walk home was faster, possibly because I was still embarrassed or maybe because I didn't want to get rained on.

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**Everything is making me sad and it's kind of weird. I don't like it. **

**Leave a review if you liked it, if not.. idk tell me?  
Let me know of any errors and I'll correct them.**


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